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Checking in/Cancer & Covid19

Hello all,

  I am sorry I haven't written in a while.  To catch you up, I have been on a clinical trial since December 2018 for Xeloda, we have tried different strengths and found the lowest dose works, with less side effects and I have been stable with decrease in cancer activity for a year now.  Very happy, a little disappointed as I am SO close to being back in remission, but the cancer is so very small and not growing, I have to be grateful and I am. 
  Now with Covid 19 I have added immune system supplements to keep my system strong.  So far just added Echinacea and Vitamin C.  You know as well as I do, that we as cancer patients and survivors use face masks and gloves and stay about 3-6 feet away from people during normal cold and flu season or when our immune systems are low due to treatments.  I had do that when I was on Ibrance, so luckily I had a small box of masks and plenty of anti-bacterial wipes and gloves. 
  I will be honest I go between feeling strong, like I beat cancer so I can beat Covid to being scared of getting Covid 19.  I have had pneumonia and spent 4 days in the hospital back in 2013 it is not fun.  I also have two spots of cancer in my lungs (tiny) and a heart condition.  Did you know that every time you have pneumonia it scars your lungs?  True.  But you can't live in fear.  As a Christian it is important not to live in fear, it's like saying we don't have faith that God can handle our issue or care for us which is not the truth.  God is bigger than anything, and He did carry me through cancer for the past 9 years, so of course He would carry me through this Covid time.
I am still working on my book about dealing with cancer, and not being it's bitch, but making it my bitch.  Having my teenage kids home and having to homeschool right now is taking up a big chunk of my time, I have one with ADD and another with Dyslexia so I need to help.  I have been working on this book for years, it's not easy and I procrastinate.  I will finish it.

Ok short blog today, hope everyone is staying healthy and happy. 

Cancer is not the boss of me.: Cancer isn't always a death sentence, but a new li...

Cancer is not the boss of me.: Cancer isn't always a death sentence, but a new li...: Cancer is not always a death sentence, but a new life sentence.     A cancer diagnosis changes more patients’ lives for the bett...

Cancer isn't always a death sentence, but a new life sentence.

Cancer is not always a death sentence, but a new life sentence.

 

 

A cancer diagnosis changes more patients’ lives for the better than it kills in my experience.  I know so many survivors whose lives have been changed or affected for the better than I know who have died from cancer.

I am one, my cancer totally changed my life and the decisions I make.  And it is all for the better.  I don’t hate or regret my cancer for that gift.  Don’t get me wrong cancer sucks big time, and the four years of chemo, radiation, medication, multiple surgeries and medically induced early menopause has been hell!  Not fun at all, but, the outcome and personal and spiritual growth is worth it.  The friendships and connections I have made are priceless. 

Cancer sucks! It is ugly, painful, and scary.  It is not fun at all. Cancer is horrible.  Cancer is a lot of things, but it is not always a death sentence.  Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of that fact, and every patient is different.

Remember that you have a part to play in your cancer fight, and if you want to live you need to participate in your fight and believe that it is possible to win.  Winning a fight against cancer doesn’t always mean that you will be cured, it could mean a lifetime of remission.  There has been incredible progress in the battle against cancer, and more progress is being made every day.  Cancer can be beaten.  It can be cured.  It can be survived!  I have survived it twice now.

Getting back to "normal" with cancer

Getting back to Normal with Cancer

 

Getting back to “normal” after going through cancer treatments and surgeries is easier said than done.  Even though we as cancer patients are striving and focusing on “normal”, once you try to achieve it, it’s difficult and even a little scary.  After completing my first year of treatments and mastectomy I was able to get back to my normal schedule and daily routine, but I was just not “normal” yet.  I was still not whole again as I had to wait at least twelve months after radiation was completed before having my breast reconstruction surgery as radiation effects take a minimum of six months to a year to heal.  Not to mention radiation is a gift that keeps on giving, even years after treatment.  My hair had started to grow back about a month after chemo completed after my mastectomy just like my doctor had said it would, and it was coming in curly as well.  However, because cancer likes to play cruel jokes, my hair while it was coming back in, was coming in GREY!!!  Not fair!  I was only thirty-six years old dang it!!!!  Haven’t I been through enough?  Cut a sister some slack already.

            Just when you think you are normal again you are reminded that you were a recent cancer patient.  Things were getting back to normal and got hit with the monster flu of 2013 which turned into pneumonia and spent three days in the hospital, shocking the ER doctors and paramedics by not dying.  (When I do something, I really do it!) My blood pressure was 60/40, my white blood cell counts tanked, and my liver enzymes skyrocketed.  When the paramedics were working on me in the ambulance, they said that my organs were shutting down and I was in a pretty serious condition.  Not fun. In the hospital no one could figure out why my white cell count wouldn’t go up or why my liver enzymes wouldn’t go down.  They did get my blood pressure out of the dangerous levels, but it was still low, so I was required to have two more blood tests after I was released from the hospital to make sure I was getting back to normal ranges.  There is that elusive normal word again that us cancer patients are always seeking.  Sometimes I feel like Alice from Alice in Wonderland chasing the White Rabbit.  Lord knows I was always on the verge of falling down the rabbit hole of anxiety.

            I am reminded of just how frail and susceptible my body is to infection or the slightest illness and how things can rapidly go screaming downhill due to the cancer.  I am a vibrant young-ish mom and woman and I have always been a strong fighter and relatively healthy so this quest for normal is not an easy one.  For all my strength, stubbornness and fight I try to find the humor in my medical situation in which I will never really be “normal” again.  Like a soldier who is home from war, so am I dealing with the effects of my own war. 

            What is normal for a cancer patient?  Feeling normal, normal blood counts, normal hormone levels, normal life/work balance.  Normal.  Oncologists really seem to like the term, “new normal” and refer to it often with a cancer patient.  Cancer survivors are often faced with the new normal and can forget about the regular normal, what they previously knew as normal because after cancer you don’t get to go back to “normal”.  Your “new normal” consists of alterated blood counts, hormone levels, and a fear of reoccurance that never leaves, not to mention the routine doctor check-ups and tests that at the very best are annually.  Your body never gets back to pre-cancer “normal”, chemo and radiation have long lasting effects, some of which are life long.  I don’t mean to depress anyone, but I have to be honest.  Cancer treatments have aged my body a good twenty years, and it’s not fun and it’s not fair, but it is my new normal.  My new normal is routine doctor visits, routine pet/ct scans to monitor my cancer, pain meds, treatment meds, living with constant pain, anxiety about cancer spreading or getting sick, being a germaphobe, and physically disabled, not able to do and feel what I should be able to feel and do at my age.

            I strived for ”normal” during my cancer treatments, especially when the kids were little, they didn’t deserve not to have a normal life.  Even though cancer effects the whole family they were four and six when I was initially diagnosed.  I chose to finish my Bachelor’s degree in law while going through chemo and radiation in an attempt to focus on something “normal” and needing a goal and distraction that was not health or cancer related.  I needed normal.  I felt like a circus freak in public with only one breast, no hair, and horribly scared.  I wore make-up every day to try to look normal for my children and husband.  I tried to shield them from the horror and ugliness in an attempt at “normal”.  A “normal” person doesn’t have to strive and chase “normal”. 

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