Cancer is a Fugly B-word

Hello my cancer sisters.  So we all know that cancer is a B*tch, right and she likes to just screw everything up.  So as if all the "normal" junk we have to go through isn't bad enough cancer treatments can make us ugly.  In fact my oncologist told me straight out that she was going to make me ugly.  Gee thanks!  I remember sitting in her office after she said that and just thinking, my God is this woman ever going to tell me something good!
For me chemo made me lose my hair of course, my eye lashes, eyebrows and fingernails thinned extremely, I had bad dark circles under my eyes, and when my hair grew back it was grey and I was only 36!!  My oncologist was paranoid about infections and my compromised immune system so I was not allowed to go to the spa, go to the nail salon, had to throw out all my make-up and buy all new make-up. Thank God for Look Good Feel Good I was able to get some free make-up.  And I had scary and painful looking burn marks all up and down my forearms from my chemo IV, then when they radiated my right side I was almost 3rd degree burned from the radiation which scabbed and oozed.  It was Horrible!  Not to mention all the freaking surgical scars!  I felt like a circus freak and cousin of Frankenstein.  This lasted for over a year, and it wasn't until I had my breast reconstruction that I started to really feel like I was physically looking more normal. 

But I put my makeup on darn near every single damn day.  Not because I am vain, but because I didn't want to scare my kids who were little, I didn't want to look like a typical cancer patient and it's true what they say, that if you look nice you will feel better.  This might sound ridiculous but we all cope in our own way, and for me I needed to have my "face on".  Since I couldn't go to the salon I painted my nails at home when I felt up to it.  My mom and my friends gave me little gifts to help me feel pretty like, fun earrings, bold nail polish colors, leopard print scarves and luxurious lotions.  This isn't much but it helps a woman feel nice, and a little more normal.

Five years later since my first chemo and I still have to fill in my eyebrows, I have many scars, and I am still badly lopsided in my breasts.  But I am alive and I am whole, and mostly back to "normal", and like a lot of cancer survivors I have a new "normal".  I live with my cancer as a chronic disease as mine metastasized and is now stage 4.  I can never be the same woman I was before cancer, this is both a good and sad thing. 

No matter what that B*tch cancer tried to do to me, and how ugly she thought she could make me, I am beautiful.  I am beautiful because I survive, and no matter how ugly I may get from my disease on the outside, nothing can take away the beauty that is in my heart.  So take that you fugly b*itch cancer!!!!!

If you like my blog please visit our website at www.cancercutie.com and check out our Cancer Cutie Cookbook available on the website or www.amazon.com

What does a stage4 Breast Cancer patient look like?

What does a woman with stage 4 breast cancer look like?  She looks like this.  This is me with my daughter, taken about 2 years ago.  I don't look sick do I?  Unless my scars are showing I don't even look like I had/have cancer.  For the most part I look pretty normal to strangers who don't know me.  But what doesn't show is the chronic pain, the scar tissue, the damage from radiation and chemo, the fact that my breasts are still lopsided, the list of daily medications and supplements I take, and the fear that I live with every single day. 

Stage 4 breast cancer looks like a normal mom who takes her kids to school, goes grocery shopping, cooks dinner, has lunch with friends, works, goes to the movies with her family.  Stage 4 breast cancer is not the same as other cancers that are stage 4, and not all stage 4's are the same either.  Mine happens to be Metastatic stage 4 which means that breast cancer cells moved from the original tumor site and decided to grow.  In my case, breast cancer cells moved and actually ate a HOLE in my iliac bone, which is in the lower back and it infected lymph nodes in the middle of my chest.  It was caught and treated but I can never be cured of cancer and live with it as a chronic disease having to manage any further occurrences or as the doctor's like to put it, "flare ups".  My cancer can come back at any moment for any reason, or another cancer can invade my body and I have to live with this every single day.  Cancer is a mean girl, a real bitch and she doesn't give a f*ck how much she destroys.  My job is to be on her ass, making sure she can't get very far, basically I have to be a bigger bitch, which is fine, because I am good at that. :)

So much of stage 4 is underneath the surface.  It's not easy living with stage 4 cancer, it may look that way on the outside, but it's not.  Being proactive in my own care and staying on a cancer fighting diet helps as does faith and knowing God has a purpose for my cancer and I use it to help others fighting the disease. 

The key to living with my stage 4 cancer is maintaining my own nutritional and immunotherapy as well as following doctor's orders and monitoring my body with routine tests and scans.  Stage 4 is not always a death sentence.  It's not a walk in a park, but it can be manageable and a fairly normal life can be had.  I am living proof. 

Don't give up. Part 1

I know it's hard living with cancer but don't give up.  Doctor's may have told you there is no hope for you medically, but you can always find hope in God's word.  Miracles do happen!!!!

Let me start off reminding you out there that doctor's do Not know everything.  Even the one's who act and think like they know everything, they in fact do not.  There is a reason why it's called a medical practice.  They doctor's are still practicing until they get it right, is what my grandfather always said.  Actually, it is because medical science is changing all the time and not all treatments or medications work for all patients.  So it's called a practice, same with a law practice, laws are constantly changing. 

We as cancer patients put so much hope in our doctors that it is easy to forget that they actually do Not have all the answers and can in fact make mistakes.  A few years ago I was so confident that my life was completely in my oncologist's hands.  I looked at her as my life line.  In my battle with cancer during chemo and radiation I lost sight of who really has my life in their hands.  God.  My doctor let me down, my pharmacy let me down, and because of their mistake my cancer came back and I am now stage4 with a hole in a bone.  Thank God, God was watching over me and protected me from being damaged worse due to their mistake.  Doctor's are not in complete control.

I have seen and heard fellow cancer patients and family members share stories of how their doctors gave them a number of months to live and the patient is still alive!  Months, to years after the doctors were so sure the patient would have died.  Miracles Do happen.  Doctor's do Not know everything.  Only God knows your expiration date. 

We can forget our doctors as great as they are, are still human,  and as humans they are subject to mistakes and Not subject to God's plan for you.  God has your expiration date, a doctor may be able to guess a "sell by" date, but God knows your "best used by". 

Remember when the world can't offer you hope, there is ALWAYS hope to be found in God's word.  God won't let you do until He is done with your purpose on earth, until then, don't let anything or anyone stop you.  Enjoy each day you can as it is a gift and never ever give up hope.  God will never give up on you, so don't give up on Him.

Life in Cancer

There is life in cancer.  This might sound weird to some but it is true.  You have to see it and choose it.  As a mom of two young kids at the time of my breast cancer diagnosis I was terrified of dying from my cancer.  It was once I truly believed that God was using my cancer for His glory to help others and would carry me with His grace that I could see that there was life in my cancer.  I cannot say that over the past 5 years of my cancer journey (I was diagnosed in 2011) that I have seen life in my cancer every single day or that it has been a picnic.  It is a roller coaster and you can only take things day by day and sometimes even hour by hour.  But, it CAN be done.  And honestly it can only be done with Christ. 

People often tell me that I am the strongest person they know, and was called a real life Wonder Woman.  While I love that as I am a Huge Wonder Woman fan, I cannot take credit for this strength.  I wish I could and when I was younger I thought my strength was mine that I was a "badass".  It is now with maturity and spirituality that I can say my strength is not my own, it is Christ.  God has given me my strength, has made it possible for me to go through aggressive chemo not once but 4 times!  To go through horribly painful radiation when I didn't think I could go on, to be disfigured for over a year from a mastectomy and all the awful side effects of the medication and treatments.  And as awful as it was for me, it wasn't what it was predicted to be by the doctors and statistics because God covered and carried me with His grace.

We have all heard that God doesn't give us more than we can handle right?  And there are times where we tell Him that we can't handle anymore, we can with His help.  I have felt that I was at my limit so many times.  All I can say is I thank God for God.  I can't survive life much less a horrific disease without Him. 

There is life in my cancer because of Christ.  I am alive to enjoy my children and my friends and family.  I am still in chronic pain and have to monitor my cancer but there is life.  I go to church, I read my bible and even on my bad days I see that there is life in my cancer every time I see the people I have brought back to Christ.  Seeing my children go to Sunday school, talking about how God has helped me in my cancer with others.  Life is more than a day you are alive, life is seeing God's blessings all around us.

You can survive cancer.  But you can't do it alone.

10 Good reasons why everyone should take a probiotic everyday

Probiotics are valuable, living "good" bacteria that stimulate the gastrointestinal tract. Some of the important benefits of this association include the prevention and treatment of vaginal yeast, eczema, food allergies, irritable bowel, ulcerative colitis, diarrhea (including antibiotic-induced) and inflammatory bowel disease not to mention the overall general health benefits. 

As a cancer survivor I can attest to the amazing way I felt and the proof of better test results in my blood when I started adding a probiotic to my daily routine.  My side effects lessoned and I felt better, I also wasn't getting sick as much when my kids got sick.  I have used echinecea for years as an immune system booster but combining echinecea with a probiotic has made a world of difference and I won't ever go back to not taking a probiotic!

Hard to believe up to 80% of our immune system, is found in our digestive tract, but it's true and makes it our central defense structure when it comes to illness.  If you are good to your body, your body will be good to you.

10 Good Reasons to add a Probiotic to your day

(1) Enhance immunity - a double-blind clinical test involving patients in intensive care proved that viable (alive) probiotics prevented multiple organ dysfunction syndrome (MODS), the number one cause of mortality among intensive care patients.

If probiotics can do this, what can they do to prevent chronic flues and colds and allergies?  A lot!  I am living proof probiotics work!

(2) The immune protection of mother's milk is enhanced if the mother takes probiotics during or before pregnancy. If breast feeding is impossible, then adding probiotics and prebiotics (what probiotic bacteria feed on) to a baby formula free from fluoridated water and sweeteners can be tried.

(3) Probiotics can reverse ulcers, irritable bowel syndrome, Crohn's disease, ulcerative colitis, inflammatory bowel disease, and other gut inflammations that occur from a lack of sufficient probiotics.

(4) Celiac disease or gluten sensitivity (GS) symptoms are handled by adding probiotics.

(5) Processed foods and low fiber diets allow the pathogenic bacteria to overwhelm the good guys and diminish colon function. It's important to add probiotics even if you drop the standard American diet (SAD).

(6) When pathogenic bacteria upset the 85/15 balance of probiotic to bad bacteria, like yeast infections can grow.

(7) A healthy gut balance helps prevent cancer by nourishing enzymes that inhibit tumor production throughout the body.

(8) Sufficient probiotic intestinal flora prevents radiation damage from X-rays and CT scans to the large and small intestines.

(9) GMOs are used in many processed foods and antibiotics are in lots of our non-organic meat and dairy products. They both destroy probiotic bacteria, making it necessary to add probiotic materials back if you've had any of those foods.

(10) There is a medical theory that a cure for autism can be had through a diet that restores probiotic levels and heal inflammatory conditions. While I am unsure as to this "cure" I do believe that this will help manage autistic symptoms we well as many other ailments.

*I am not a licensed doctor and this blog is not intended as medical advice.  I am a certified nutritionist and health coach.  Always seek medical advice if you have a medical condition.

Menopause Momma

O.K.! Menopause Sucks!  And medically induced early menopause sucks even more!  Holy cow!  Due to breast cancer I was put into early menopause because of the chemo for my type of cancer, at the ripe age of 35, and then again at 38 when my cancer had returned and moved the doctors performed emergency oophorectomy which is like a partial hysterectomy where they remove the ovaries and fallopian tubes.  I have wined and griped to my mom so many times over the past year about stupid menopause, and at least we can have a laugh but lord have mercy it sucks. 

My hubby, who I love thinks it's funny when I am miserable and breaking out my cute leopard print fan out of my purse and fan desperately at my face.  I could seriously kick him sometimes.  I don't think he thinks its funny to be mean, I think he just finds my overreaction to it as funny.  But still in the middle of a hot flash momma doesn't feel funny, and sure doesn't find anything funny about her misery. 

I will say, winter is my friend, and snow is wonderful.  We spent a family weekend up in Big Bear which is a local mountain retreat here in Southern California and I can honestly say that there are No Hot Flashes in the snow!  The only time I had one was when I was going to bed and because we rented a condo, the people below us on the first floor had their fireplace going our condo was nice and cozy and we didn't need any heat.  I slept in a tank top and pajama pants with a light blanket that's it!  Being outside in the snow was AWESOME!!! 

On the very long list of why menopause sucks is also the fact that alcohol intensifies hot flashes and will also trigger them.  UGG!!!!  So just when you are sitting down and enjoying that nice big glass of red wine and winding down from the day BAM!  Your face starts to flush, your brow begins to sweat, your body starts to heat up from tip of your toes to the top of your head and you want to start stripping down like a hooker when sailors are on leave! 

Have I mentioned I don't like menopause?  The only good thing with menopause is the lack of monthly menstrual periods and need for birth control.  I will confess that there are times that I am glad for menopause but the dislike definitely out ways the good. 

We need a menopause momma support group, that meets in a big commercial freezer, especially during summer.  There should also be prizes awarded to the menopause momma who didn't lose her mind for the month, or didn't scream at her kids, and especially for the momma who didn't give her husband a cold for needing to sleep with the a/c on in March! 


Menopause Mommas Unite!!!

Dealing with anger and cancer as a Christian

Anger is a common emotion with cancer, and it is often understood and accepted as cancer is not something anyone would purposely ask for.  We know that anger is a normal human emotion, but as a Christian I know not to hold onto anger, but to give it to God.  This is easier said than done.  It is so easy to feel angry and especially angry at or about ourselves. 
  For the first 3 years of dealing with my cancer diagnosis and treatments I could not help but look at my cancer as a foe, a mortal enemy that I would triumphantly vanquish with all the fury in the world.  Cancer was my arch enemy and I vowed to be my own super hero.  This works for me, I am a big Wonder Woman fan ever since I was 3 years old watching it on T.V.  I am a fighter at heart and I honestly don't know how to be anything else when faced with a protagonist.  This is a good thing to be as a cancer patient, but not so good as a Christian.  I needed to cut back some of my fighting instincts and increase my faith, acceptance and peace. 

"Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil."  Romans 37:8 NIV

I am a little embarrassed to confess that I found this verse months after being diagnosed with my cancer reoccurrence and metastasis.  I was so very angry.  You know that term "so angry they could spit nails" ya that was me.  I was devastated when I found out the cancer had come back, and not only come back but move and eat a hole in my iliac bone.  I was scared and angry.  Angry that the doctor's had failed me, angry that chemo didn't work, radiation didn't work, surgery hadn't worked, the medicines didn't work.  I was so very angry, livid even at the cancer itself.  Thankfully I was not angry at God.  But oh how angry I was at the cancer, I cussed the cancer out the entire drive home from the doctor's office.  Not a long way, but still, crying and cursing the cancer for filth!!  I kept calling it f***ing cancer.  Not very Christian like at all.  I wish I had handled it better, that I had the spiritual maturity to handle the devastating news better.  I know I could have done far worse, but also far better and I regret it.  However, it triggers my fighting instincts and led me to conduct more of my own research and lit a fire to learn more about cancer and nutrition, organic alternatives, biblical healing and encouraged in me a desire for spiritual maturity.  I can't be angry at that. 

Once I got past the anger that the cancer had returned (this took about 6 months) I started to see the good, and positive aspects of my cancer returning.  This is not an easy thing to do, it is so easy to get sucked into the depression and festering anger.  I had been walking the edge of a Grand Canyon sized cliff with depression looming before me as I tip toe along the edge trying not to fall.  I didn't want this, I didn't want to feel that way, it has been long enough I'm over being so tightly wound up with the anger and resentment of my cancer returning.  It's time to deal with it and move on, get back on the horse so to speak.  It was seriously to the point that I couldn't recognize myself anymore, I couldn't see or feel my inner Wonder Woman, my fighting spirit and show no mercy to cancer attitude. 
I cannot tell you when it happened, only that one day about 6 months later after I was told I was incurable that I didn't have the anger anymore, it simply vanished.  That doesn't mean I can't bring it back up, because if you get me talking about it I will get aggravated.  But I don't feel it all the time, carry it with me every day or feel it with the intensity that I did before, and I am so relieved and thankful for that. 
My cancer has a purpose, I have always known that I have or will go through the ups and downs in my journey with cancer for a reason and to be able to identify with other patients and help them with their journey as well.  I can say that the Christian in me overcame the anger in me.  God is Good!!