Monday, February 10, 2014

Sex and Breast Cancer

Sex and cancer are not usually two words you would hear used in a sentence a lot, but when you are married to someone with cancer it is and it's an important issue to deal with.  We all know we liked to feel loved, and attractive and of course Hot to our spouse.  What is that phrase... "A man likes a lady in the kitchen but a whore in the bed." :)  Well for a woman dealing with breast cancer it can be tough to be either. 
For me, it was hard.  Before the cancer was diagnosed it was easy I was an E cup I had an hour glass figure so feeling sexy and acting it was easy.  After the diagnosis I did feel a little betrayed by my right breast (the infected one) and it was sore so I just wanted the damn tumor out!  A few days before my mastectomy surgery I remember one night with my husband and telling him this was going to be the last time he would have sex with me with 2 boobs, like a normal woman.  I was sad and dreading the loss of my breast in the physical sense, but soooooooooo glad to finally be getting the bitch tumor out!  Yes I call my tumor names and truly think of it as an adversary.  (the bitch is going down!)  Anyways, back to sex.  My husband was sweet with me saying it didn't matter and that he loved me anyways and my breasts had just been a bonus to him, that with or without big breasts I was and still will always be beautiful to him.  (sniffle sniffle)  He can be so sweet sometimes. :)
Due to the pain it was quite a while before we were intimate again after the surgery, and I felt like such a freak.  I kept calling myself a circus freak, the one breasted circus freak.  It was SO noticeable I mean come on!!!  An E cup that's the same as being a DDD.  I'm no Dolly Parton But Still!!!!  I did have prosthetics but it wasn't the same and when you are naked there is no getting away from it.  My hubby was sensitive to my feelings about being a uniboob and he was kiss my enormous scar and not focus on the chest area.  I remember when I was going through my last few rounds of chemo around Valentines Day and my chemo nurse flat out asked if my hubby and I were having sex.  I said well not really I feel like crap!  Hello!!!  Chemo!!!!  She chastised me and handed me a HUGE handful of female condoms and told me, that I was not being fair to my husband and marriage and to take these and have a happy Valentines Day!!!  So Funny!!!!  I love my oncology staff they are the best!  I will share that whole female condom and cancer experience another time.
The point of the matter is, that sex is a healthy part of marriage and if your spouse can get past your illness and scars let them love you, whether you feel sexy or not or feel like you need it or not.  You do and your marriage does, cancer alone can break up a relationship, if you are lucky enough to have a spouse stand by and love you through it reward them and yourself with a little nookie time.