Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Why me?

Why me?  This has probably crossed the mind of every cancer patient.  Why me, why now, why this? 

At the age of 20 I believed that I had already survived more than a lifetime of bad things.  A troubled childhood, molestation, suicide attempt, bulimia, being bullied, a car accident and severe case of mono.

It's not that I thought the rest of my life would be easy, I just though that I had already passed the test of survival and inner strength.  Nope.  Not a chance.

By 30 I had survived more, including another car accident and a psycho fiancé who tried to strangle me to death.  I had achieved the Wonder Woman badge of honor. 

"We must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God." (Acts 14:22)

Well if according to Acts 14:22 then I am good to go, and could probably go and come back a few times with all I have been through!

Why is it that we have to experience bad things? There are a lot of theories out there about this, my personal belief is 1) all experiences are learning experiences whether good or bad, 2) we have to experience the bad to truly appreciate the good.  But that doesn't stop us from questioning why me, why now, why this, why, why, why?

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011 at the age of 35 I was devastated, absolutely destroyed.  But I knew there would be something good to come out of it.  That in my heart it would be used for God's glory.  Believing in this gave me some comfort and strength, but my cancer journey was still very difficult and I still found myself questioning why at times.

Why did I have to go through another big ordeal?  Why did I have to survive something else?  Haven't I been through enough?  Haven't I proven myself as a Christian yet?  If this sounds familiar then I completely understand and you are not alone.  We are never alone when we have Christ and when we have fellow cancer survivors who are struggling just as we are.  Going through cancer it is easy to feel alone, even when you have family and friends who love and support you and you have faith it is still easy to feel alone when dealing with a life or death situation.