Thursday, October 20, 2016

What do you mean I don't look like a cancer patient?


WTH!  I will never forget when I was going through my 2nd time going through chemo after my mastectomy for breast cancer when my oncologist exclaimed to me that I finally looked like a cancer patient.  I had been feeling particularly crappy that day, it was 2 days after chemo and I was coming in for my routine fluids and anti-nausea medication.  All through chemo and radiation I wore my normal makeup like any other day.  I didn't want to scare anyone, and I didn't want to scare myself.

No, the real reason is because I wanted to keep things as normal as possible for my kids who were little at that time.  Knowing that I would lose my hair and that other ugly side effects could happen I wanted to keep my appearance as normal as possible.  Not to mention that it is true that when you look better, you feel a little better.  So into the oncologist I would go, dressed comfy but stylish and with my makeup on.

Until the day I just did not care anymore.  I felt so horrible and the kids were at school, so I just went in with no makeup, dark sunglasses and a hat on wearing a matching velvet like tracksuit.  I felt like crap and it showed.  You know that point where you feel so bad that you do not give a Bleep.  That's how I felt, and my oncologist was kind enough to point it out for everyone to see.  Thanks Dr. Reyes. 

I know somewhere in there was a compliment, at least I'm pretty sure there was.  I guess not looking like a typical cancer patient over the past 6 months prior to that days visit was a good thing, making today's raw unadorned face so shocking.????? I don't know, but I do know that her statement stuck with me over the past 5 years of my journey with breast cancer. 

I would like it to be noted that I have not shown up since that day without makeup on.  Just saying.
I don't think I am a vain person, but I know I am not blessed with natural beauty, my face needs a little help and God bless makeup.  :)

There is something to be said for a great shade of lipstick that makes a women feel like she can conquer the world. :)  Even conquering a chemo room. 

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